Superheroes must montage the fuck out of their getting ready scenes cause it always takes me fucking ages!


10am – Not this time. I’m gonna be prepared this time. I’m gonna start this packing thing early so that there’s no mistakes like last time.

10.05am – Well… obviously reading a few pages of my book first won’t hurt.


A curled up mass of plugs and wires, the most important item on a trip such as this. Woe betide one of the electronic devices runs out of juice and communication, documentation or electronically assisted living standards are decreased.

I have to go crying to hotel reception enquiring if they have an iPod charger – “I’m expecting some VERY important emails…” Cut to three emails from Facebook “James likes your status – OMG U GUYS! iPhone batt aboot 2 go!” and one from the Kenneth Cole Online Store informing me of their seemingly daily product line changes.


10.42am – Right, lets get to this packing shit…

10.45am – Inside the Actors Studio Martin Lawrence? WHAT! Who the fuck gives a shit about what he has to say. Well, I guess the man IS the Day Lewis of fat-suits…


Second most important thing – the electronics themselves. How am I supposed to travel around the world, finding myself a-la Julia Roberts in Eat,Pray,Shite without a full range of WiFi enabled computers.

Laptop – check

Hard drive – just in case I need to quickly transfer something from a fellow travelers computer – check

Kindle eReader – check

Electronic shaver (which I never use but just in case my manual shaver breaks down)- check

Camera – check

ECard reader – so that I don’t have to plug my camera directly into my laptop to gain access to my photos. – Check

iPhone (containing the ability to do all bar shave of the above) – check

Curled up mass of plugs and wires – see above for details


12pm – I know I’ve seen this Top Gear before but it’s the one where they go to Germany. That’s, like, research and shit.

1pm – Oh… I guess they don’t go to Germany in this one…


Inter-rail ticket – don’t leave home without it.


1.30pm – Lunch. Can’t pack on an empty stomach.

2pm – Well… I can’t be expected to do all that packing on a full fucking stomach, can I?!


The right selection of ironic t shirts are a very important part of the packing process. All possible scenarios must be ironically accounted for. Obviously my ironic tourist camera tee is a must, that’s just gotta go in and saved for just the right tourist spot. Also, it is good to sometimes take non-ironic tees just in case they need to be worn some day to make an ironic statement about people who wear ironic tees all the time.


4pm – Right, I’m here. I’m in my room. I’m ready to fucking go.

4.02pm – Making a great start here. Full steam ahead.

4.04pm – Just checking camera to make sure it’s charged and… oh,look, some photos from Egypt. Ahh, remember Egypt.

5pm – God, those photos from Egypt really got me in the mood for travel. Now, to the packing….

6pm – Just finished blog on Egypt


Where is that fucking plug converter! I’ve got the US one! I can find the fucking US one! I know I’ve bought this…. every time I travel I seem to lose the one fucking plug converter that I need. Every fucking time! Right, this time. THIS TIME I’m not gonna cheap out last minute and I’m gonna buy the one that can convert for every country.


Cut to – What?! How much for a multi plug converter?!! Fuck that, I’ll just go with the single please.


8pm – Right. I’ve fed myself now and I’ve been hard at work for over 15 minutes making glorious headway picking out my stuff and placing them in neat bundles. Seriously, all I need is maybe 30 minutes more solid work and I’ll be done and then I can rest easy. No need to stress myself out in the morning.

8.02pm – Just got a text from Stephen saying he’s off to the pub for a quick one. Well, I am on holidays. It’s fine, it’s fine. I’ve laid out all my stuff here on my bed, I’ll just pop down to the pub, have a quick pint, be back by 11 and then just put a last 10 minutes into the packing with plenty of time in the morning for anything that I might have forgotten.

1.30am – Ahh bugger!!